Lyrics

s this mind really mine
Is this mind really mine
When the lights get bright I find
I’m wondering

Maybe I’m different cause I don’t believe in giving gifts in
A random day of the year we all celebrate christians?
But here I stand in my ugly sweater giving wishes
I can’t lie I love the lights, the films and family pictures
Maybe I’m crazy cause I really believe I don’t believe it
But I’ve been making Xmas cards since my parents pretended to keep em
And when the radio is only playing carols, no king
That’s 30 years of 30 days of nothing but these Christian lyrics

Is this mind really mine
Is this mind really mine
When the lights get bright I find
I’m wondering
What do I believe
What do I believe
Oh what do I believe

Am I crazy cause I just wanna fit in?
If they believe that I believe it
I know they’ll forget my skin
So I’m killing all the solos in the choir
just a kid
Not knowing that these bangers come from bibles, that’s a hymn
But to him
He just sings
Cause he just wants to fit in
There’s so much more to love and be loved
When I sing
And you never gave me heroes
Just Sunday school and abusive men

Now I’m in an identity crisis
I just realized everything I love is colonized it’s
In the land and the language
All the food and the habits
I can’t trust my own mind
My wife is looking at me sideways
When I’m eating with a fork
God damn even dinner’s got a history that’s dark
And this sidewalk built on bodies
Leads to children in a park
I wonder how many lives it took
To make ‘em turn to your God for
Some justice

Is this mind really mine
Is this mind really mine
When the lights get bright I find
I’m wondering
What do I believe
What do I believe
Oh what do I believe

Then I learned that I’m descendent of indentured servants
Promises of promised lands destroyed our fathers purpose
Found a book in Brighton called a Xmas in the West Indies
It felt weird to buy my history in England where these suckers cursed it
A white man
Stationed in my homeland
Surprised my people ain’t just savages and worthless
Home land
What a funny concept
I ain’t even from the islands that’s just where they stopped the boats at

Grandpa had to choose between his family and God
Hold on to your soul
Or hold on to your job
That mud hut must got a whole lot smaller in that moment
I thank God every day he was stubborn and he owned it
I had to dig deeper just to find me
Getting tired of letting these crooked systems define me
My ancestors gave up everything for my life and my soul
Was it worth it if I trade it for some lights and mistletoe?